They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
