My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
