I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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