Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
