FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
