Will you blow on my dice?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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