Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
