i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
