It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
