We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
