ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can't special order awesome
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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