woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize