Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
