i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
