I want you more than these girls want KFC
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
