absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
