that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
