if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's paper in my vomit.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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