He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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