i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
