tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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