Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
