i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
