one might say we're banned from that church
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
