i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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