do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
