I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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