I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So apparently I’m into choking now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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