I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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