i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
