he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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