I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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