i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
