She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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