Nicole vs. Life
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
