I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
