i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
