i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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