Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
