saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
