Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
