Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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