Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
