Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The struggles of a small town man whore
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
