soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
