pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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