There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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