I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You don't make any sense
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