Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
