She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
