I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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