I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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