Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
