I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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