He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
