so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
