You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
