I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
