I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
