What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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