I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
