ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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