if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize